brothwinchester

amonitrate:

Even in Hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment.

The revenge fantasy is often a mirror image of the traumatic memory, in which the roles of perpetrator and victim are reversed. It often has the same grotesque, frozen, and wordless quality as the traumatic memory itself. The revenge fantasy is one form of the wish for catharsis. The victim imagines  that she can get rid of the terror, shame, and pain of the trauma by retaliating against the perpetrator. The desire for revenge also arises out of the experience of complete helplessness. In her humiliated fury, the victim imagines that revenge is the only way to restore her own sense of power. She may also imagine this is the only way to force the perpetrator to acknowledge the harm he has done her.

Though the traumatized person imagines that revenge will bring relief, repetitive revenge fantasies actually increase her torment….They exacerbate the victim’s feelings of horror and degrade her image of herself. They make her feel like a monster. They are also highly frustrating, since revenge can never change or compensate for the harm that was done. People who actually commit acts of revenge, such as combat veterans who commit atrocities, do not succeed in getting rid of their post-traumatic symptoms; rather they seem to suffer the most severe and intractable disturbances.

from trauma and recovery by judith herman